The other day while driving down the road I saw a bumper sticker on what was obviously a redneck’s ‘pick-um-up truck’. The bumper sticker read, “I love cats, they taste just like chicken!”
And in case you're wondering how I knew it was a redneck’s ‘pick-um-up truck’, it was not because of the big rebel flag in the rear window. No sir. The first thing that gave the guy away was the pit bull sitting up there in the cab of that truck.
That was the meanest, snake-eatenest, slobberin’est, most snaggle-toothed, tobacco-chewing pit bull you ever did see, but the thing that really gave the rednecks identity away was the fact that what I took to be his wife was riding in the bed of the pickup. A true redneck always takes care of his dog first. Now I want everyone to know right up front that I have never eaten a cat, I haven’t even been tempted to eat a cat. The Almighty never intended for cats to be eaten by decent, God-fearing folks. It darned near seems un-American to me!
I have eaten a lot of strange things in my life but never a cat! Cats have one of two purposes in life, one is to be loved and the other is to be hated and never the twain shall meet. I have never met anyone who claimed to have a love/hate relationship with a cat.
Historically, Most cat lovers have been women but that is changing rapidly, in fact, according to some folk that gathers statistics about such things cats now outnumber dogs as pets by an ever-broadening margin, and that is among men as well as women. It’s hard to imagine.
I even read somewhere that cats are ‘the intellectual’s pet’.
Personally, I hate cats. The nasty things, always rubbing against your leg and trying to be friendly, it’s downright sickening.
I come from a long line of dog-loving, cat haters. My daddy hated cats and his daddy before him. I was very disappointed the time I saw daddy holding one of mama’s cats in his lap and loving on the beast.
In the last 20 or so years, I have had a motley assortment of meowing hairballs move in with me, much against my will I might add. The Alpha cat’s name, or so he tells me is ‘Vociferous’ while the squirmy, little, psychotic one, the kitten, insists on being addressed as ‘Smoky’ and my huge, twenty-five-pound, abnormally lovable, puppy cat prefers the name, Caligula.
One day I was cat-less, and suddenly, WHAMMO, would you believe it, the next thing I knew I had three of the nasty wee beasties living with me!
You might ask and rightly so, how come a red-blooded, dog-loving, American boy who naturally hates cats suddenly has three of them as houseguests?
I believe at one time I could have pled temporary insanity but that won’t really work anymore unless you are willing to consider twenty years as temporary.
But really, if you must know I will tell you. The dad-blamed things make me feel good.
When nobody else seems to give a hoot, the cats seem to care, and not only that but they make me feel good about life and especially about myself because if any creature can love you this much you can’t be all that bad! Who can figure?
Have a nice day and may your cat teach you.
A Cat Lover's Prayer
"Dear Heavenly Father, I ask that my pets live long and healthy lives and that I may live up to your expectations as well as theirs. What a wonderful God you are to bestow upon us the ability to make friends with your creatures. I thank you, in Jesus’ wonderful and Holy name I ask it, Amen."
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