Maggie's conclusion: she is 'bad luck' for men

The Saga of Aunt Maggie, Part 3

By Charles Towne

Well dear reader, the last we knew, Roy’s dogged persistence has paid off because Aunt Maggie has finally agreed to marry him. Poor Roy.

Now please, don’t get me wrong; it’s not that Maggie is against marriage, no way! In fact, if you will remember, she has ventured down the somewhat thorny matrimonial pathway before, three times before to be exact, and each time she survived her sweetheart.

Maggie has arrived at the conclusion that, for very good reason perhaps, she is 'bad luck' for the men in her life. And, seeing as she really liked Roy, she didn’t want to be the cause of his unfortunate demise.

Some of you with inquiring minds are wondering, what happened to husbands 1, 2, and 3? So I will tell you.

Maggie was a voluptuous, if tiny, young woman of 19 when she met her first husband, a self-made millionaire 14 years her senior. Theophilous Deston Berrington was of new money, having made his fortune marketing jumbo frog legs to gourmet restaurants throughout the U.S. of A.

Maggie and Theo - that is what she called him, Theo - went to Europe on their tenth wedding anniversary. France seemed like a good idea, so they ended up in front of the Notre Dame cathedral where Theo posed in front of it to have his photograph taken... and that's when it happened.

Two hundred feet, or thereabouts, over his head a marble gargoyle, weakened by the years from poor mortar and a rusty anchor pin, inexplicably fell. And, as luck would have it, ground zero was smack-your-dabber on Theo. Poor Theo.

The Gargoyle survived the fall. Theo didn’t.

As you can imagine, after this calamitous incident the funeral was a closed casket affair.

Two years later, completely bored with wearing widow's attire, Maggie succumbed to the amorous advances of one Giordano Paulo Bubliano, a wealthy Italian playboy of a somewhat questionable past. Giordano met his end when his sports car mysteriously exploded, with disastrous results. Poor Girodano!

After a respectable period of mourning Aunt Maggie met Mr. Right #3 who went by the name of Drake Doudemous Holiday, the great, great grandson of the infamous gunman dentist of the O.K. Corral shootout fame.

Drake went to meet his maker when he and Maggie hopped on the luxury liner, HMS Rat Trap, and he fell overboard and the sharks ate him.

And now all of you enquiring minds know what happened to Aunt Maggie’s ex-husbands. I hope you are satisfied. Please stay tuned for the next episode of Aunt Maggie’s saga with Roy. Poor, poor Roy.

This story is one of several fiction pieces The Apopka Voice will be publishing by local authors and favorites who enjoy creatively exploring this literary realm. To see more stories of this nature, enter "Fiction" in our site's search bar, and click on "Fiction & Creative Writing". If you would like to submit a fiction piece to be considered, and are local to Apopka, please submit your selection to editor@theapopkavoice.com.

Charles Towne, in his own words, is first and foremost a Christian. An octogenarian, author, journalist, wildlife photographer, naturalist, caregiver, and survivor, his life has been and continues to be, a never-ending adventure filled with possibilities never imagined. He has adopted the philosophy that to live fully, laugh uproariously, love passionately, and learn like there is no tomorrow, is a formula for a long and joy-filled life.