By Charles Towne   

“Well Daddy, I is wet ‘cause the fishies was dirty and I gave them a baff!”

I can remember WAYYY back when we used “B.C.” for measuring time.  For those not in the know, B.C. stands for: Before Children.

I can also remember when my new bride and I first set up housekeeping.  At that time, we were still in our mental diapers, and without the good sense the good Lord gave a goofy gopher.

We shared everything, I mean, we were in love!  Yeah, we shared the toothbrush, germs, the bathroom, showers, (that was fun} naps, naps, NAPS, and chewing gum— If I remember right we took the naps right after we took our showers!

And then, quite suddenly our offspring began appearing, and boy, did they appear. (I think it might of had something to do with all those naps.)  Intimacy was sadly a thing of the past, the far distant past, or so it seemed.

There we would be amidst the throes of passion if you get my meaning, and the bedroom door would burst open, and a rampaging hoard of yowling, screaming, parent devouring, manic offspring would dash into the bedroom and pile onto the bed.  Suddenly all thoughts of that intimate interlude would vanish into the ether.

Kids sure are cute, aren’t they?

We had four little nose pickers about as fast as it takes to tell the torrid tale.

It was about the time that our third little bed wetter made his appearance that we finally figured out what was causing this invasion of rug rats, so, being clever, naturally, we stopped drinking the water.

And I bet you were thinking that I was iggorant!

But, our conclusion that pregnancy was caused by drinking the local water was somewhat erroneous because a fourth little tadpole swam up that narrow canal and evolved into our youngest son, Russell.  O.K., I guess we were dumber than stumps.

There was that time, and I remember it well.  It was on a quiet Sunday morning and we had decided to sleep in.  Everything was quiet and peaceful.  Too quiet and peaceful.  Chuck Jr, about two years old at the time, crept into our bed.  What the heck!  His jammies were wet? soaking wet in fact?

“Chuck, why are you all wet?”

His answer puzzled me at first, and then I was wide awake.

“Well daddy, I is wet ‘cause the fishies was dirty so I gave them a baff!”

I hit the floor running, but, I was too late.

We had a large freshwater aquarium in the living room. Chuck had efficiently captured each of the “fishies” with the aquarium net and transferred them to the kitchen sink, where he had used a scouring brush, hot water and lots, and lots, and lots of dish soap to give each of them a “baff.”

Sad to say, the fishies were somewhat worse off for this treatment.  (I think they might have drowned?)   But, they were definitely clean!

As the old saying goes, “The road to a very hot place is paved with good intentions!”  In my son’s defense, I am sure his intentions were good.

I believe that Papa God, in His great wisdom and infinite mercy, takes our intentions into consideration, but then, having said that, I expect that He does hope we will learn.  Praise God, aren’t we fortunate that He is always there to save us from the dire results of our little faux pas?


Charles Towne is first and foremost a Christian. An octogenarian, author, journalist, wildlife photographer, naturalist, caregiver, and survivor, his life has been and continues to be, a never-ending adventure filled with possibilities never imagined. He has adopted the philosophy that to Live fully, laugh uproariously, love passionately, and learn like there is no tomorrow, is a formula for a long and joy-filled life.


  1. Man, if that ain’t the truth. While I love kids, they do have a way of surprising you with the things that they get into. Great read my friend. God bless and happy New year!

  2. Don, so often, as our children were little they scribbled on the walls of our minds with black and blue crayons and yet, even in our frustration we never stopped loving them. The thing that is really remarkable to me is the fact that as rascally as we have been in our lives Papa God has never ceased loving us. He has set a wonderful example for us don’t you know! Happy new year to you and yours, Chaz

  3. I luv it. You make me smile with each word. As read I’m anxiously await the getting the sentence thru so i can smile, gasp or hurry to the next passage of excitement.

    I love you Chuck
    I love you Nancy
    May you have another full year of excitement. Minus the water. Smiles !
    2017 was Awesome
    2018 full of adventures to write about


  4. Dear Thara, what an incredible blessing you are. Stay close to Papa God this coming year. May this be the best year for you and yours in every way. Much love and great blessings be on you sis, Chjaz

  5. Ernie, man’s interference is just that and no more, just so much interference, and yet God seems to so often turn it to the advantage and benefit of His children, and to the furtherance of His great plan. Praise Him from whom all blessings flow! Thank you sir for the wise words. Chaz

  6. My dear brother Josh, I may be crazy but I am not stupid! And remember, I stopped drinking that water! If I was to sire another offspring it would absolutely indicate that my body was willing but my mind was weak. Yeah, you just keep on laughing buddy. Thanks for the comment and Happy, Happy, Happy, Chaz

  7. Charles Towne article was touching and brought back memories of my little ones. It’s nice to be reminded that our Heavenly Father always loves us even when we make a mess of things “clean the fish”

  8. Srataceo, Thanks oodles, my intent is to please. Sign in for more next week and I will see if I can cause another chuckle. Chaz

  9. When parents tell the grandparents about the “adventures” of their” little darlings” often the reply is a smile that means, “now you understand”!
    I think Papa God smiles on us the same way! Sadly, we seldom understand the lesson but thankfully we do trust the love!
    Have a fantastic new year, Chaz! I’m anxious to see what He has for us in the coming year!

  10. Charles you always remind us about what an adventure life is, full of the funny stories and foibles that are part of being human. I appreciate how you weave them with lessons and reminders of God’s love for us. Thanks!

  11. Dear Kristin, isn’t it those little life experiences that make it all worthwhile? I look back to another time when I was perhaps a tad different, and not nearly as patient, and I realize that I am one of the most fortunate of people, but, I am sure you can say the same thing. Thank you so much for the comment. Oh yes, hang on tight ’cause this is going to be an interesting year! Chaz

  12. Oh Richard, how very true. And do you know what? I like the idea of our creator smiling at us. Have the best year ever pal, Chaz

  13. Chuck, I forward look to your adventures! They remind me of past times that make me smile….and I thank God for his help along the way. Babies! We had them and I loved them! Even when the WET I felt was as I picked them up, and felt the warmth through my shirt and pants…as I hugged them! I also remember getting “Morning Sickness” along with my wife!! Eggs in the morning were hard for me to deal with. I never knew that could happen to a man!!

    As the New Year begins, The Best part of 2017 was when I first met you and you prayed for me! That day, as I remember, I was coming in to spend the day with my wife. She had been in the Nursing Home for over a year and was probably never coming back home. You helped, me that day, to remember God is always with us….in all of life! Keep up the good work!

  14. Don, what you describe my friend is what being a Christian is really all about. We hear the term, Brothers in Christ, well pal, you truly are my brother in Jesus. Praise God pal! Chaz

  15. I also believe God considers our intentions just as we consider those of our children. But like our children, we must learn from the errors of good intentions.

  16. Loved this story…so humorous, yet real-life.
    Children, in their innocence, bring smiles and laughter into our daily lives…and yes, frustration also. Thank you for jogging my memory about an incident with fish, that ended….well, in the same way as yours.
    After learning that we all need sunshine for vitamin D, my son put the fishbowl in the window before heading off to school. When he got home that sunny, summer afternoon, he found the fish had not done well with all the “extra vitamin D” Needless to say, we had to have a funeral that day. Amazing, how everyday life teaches us lessons we will never forget. Thank you, Chuck, for sharing your stories, whether they be humorous, touching or thought provoking. I look forward to reading them all.

  17. I absolutely cracked up through the whole WET episode! I needed that levity! Thanks! I wonder if God doesn’t look at us with a bit of humor when we” try to help Him work things out” as long as we don’t hurt ourselves or someone else. I will be sharing this one with Jack and any one else who needs a bit of humor! You slip so easily into teaching the love, care and kindness of our wonderful heavenly Father! God has given you a marvelous gift! Blessings to you, Nancy and yours and wishing you a wonderful New Year!

  18. Wee Bee, it seems to take longer for Some of us to learn life’s lessons than others, don’t you think? I am sooo very glad that our Papa God is patient wwith us, aren’t you? Many blessing this new year. Chaz

  19. Oh Linda, when I examine myself very closely I can’t help but acknowledge that Papa God must have an incredible sense of humor, I mean, he created us with the gifts of joy and laughter didn’t he? Thank you so much for your comment and God bless you all, unka Chuck

    • Yes, He even told Abraham and Sarah to name their son of promise” Laughter”. He definitely does habe a sense of humor!

  20. Yeah CSG, it seems that something due to fish molecules they don’t stand up well to being shot out of slingshots either. I will leave that up to your imagination. Blessings, Chaz

  21. Jose, and I have to say I appreciate the fact that you enjoy reading my work son. Let’s just keep on keeping on pal, and remember, there are bright days ahead! Blessings on you, Chaz

  22. “…had four little nose pickers about as fast as it takes to tell the torrid tale.” Yes, yes. There is a lot of enthusiasm in putting the bun in the oven. I chuckle every time I hear people recommend, “you should have another one”, while the first ones are still learning to walk and talk. I chuckle because I’ve never hear anyone with a house full of teenagers say, “You gotta get some more of these!”

    God is a great teacher. Thank you, Charles, for reminding me of His infinite mercy because I have a lot of mud in my ears during His lessons.

  23. My dear Gymrat, I don’t imagine you have a lot of mud in your ears my friend. You sound like you have a lot of wisdom, a lot of moxy if you will. Your comment leads me to believe that God is going to use you, How? I don’t know, but if we make ourselves available to Him, well, wow, He is so anxious to use you to touch others. God bless you dear friend, Chaz

  24. The late W.C.Fields said, “Children should be put in a box at birth, and when they become teenagers you should plug up the holes!” Now I don’t much care for that advice. I pretty well raised my teenagers and made a lot of booboo’s in the process, but do you know what? They have grown into good adults, and boy do I love them all. Proud Parent

  25. Another great trip back in time. In my case we always called it “BK” for Before Kids. Those “gifts from God” would, as my mother always said, “would try the patience of a saint”. I am certain my mother is destined for sainthood having raised me. She always said “I hope you have a son just like you” and her wish came through. The stories are numerous for both of my kids and we survived. My son and daughter have grown into adults that I am very proud of. My only failure was not to have taught them the pleasure of pie and ice cream for breakfast… Keep them coming Chuck.

  26. Mike, you da man! You also the only man I ever met that eats pie and ice cream as a healthy breakfast and then goes to the gym to work it off. Yeah pal, what you say goes for my mother as well. She was a saint! She prayed for a little boy just like Huckleberry Finn and got me. I guess that just goes to prove that Papa God has a wonderful sense of humor. Aren’t mothers wonderful? Chaz


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