By Charles Towne

I wonder, is there such a thing as a typical caregiver?

And having asked that question it seems 

the answer lies somewhere between no answer, or half an answer, if there can be such a thing.

I know there are exceptional caregivers, those gracious individuals that seem to have a heart 

and a spirit that blesses others.  A caregiver that lives up to the criteria and does so graciously?

But, It is a sad statement of truth that so many caregivers, generally speaking the professionals, 

or those that call themselves “professionals” are doing so only for a paycheck, or so it seems!

After caring for my wife for over 15 years and being exposed to other caregivers during that

 time It has been my experience that caregivers come in all sizes, shapes, colors and 


There are exceptional caregivers, but never typical caregivers, those individuals that seem to be blessed with

 the calling.  True caregivers seem to be cut out of a special fabric that can only be described as “Christ like.”

then there are those other sad individuals that seem to hate what they are doing.

O Holy God, I am, with all my failings, and for all it means, a caregiver.

I have said it before in this book that caregiving is likely the most difficult and challenging task I
have ever undertaken, and yet having said that I must also say that caregiving is wonderful 

because it is the stuff of miracles, and it calls for us to be better than we are.

I just talked to a very close and dear friend.  He is at his absolute extremity.
 He is facing something that no parent should ever have to face for
 he is in mourning because of the recent death of his only son.  

His elderly father is at end of life and my friend has been called upon to be his caregiver. 

The challenges and unrelenting pressures of my friend’s business and life are taking a terrible toll on

 him  spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

My friend is a Christian but, it seems that his prayers for the most part are going unanswered.

It is a point of fact that 

his life brings to mind our friend Job.

My words to my friend seem somehow empty as I assured him of Papa God’s great love.

 and his answer to me, screamed out in pain and agony of desperation are understandable:

“But Chuck,” my friend cried, “when is enough enough?”  

What could possibly illicit such a desperate plea from my friend?  Well, just like Job, he has been confronted with a mountain of difficulties and challenges which it seems have been almost beyond imagining.
Satan it seems has, by bringing into play every sneaky artifice of deception he can conceive, has
 sought, just like he did with Job, to discourage, even destroy this just man. 

Have you ever suffered the pain and agony of boils?  I did, seven at one time, two in my 

groin, three on my back, one on my neck, and one in my left armpit.  I was in an absolute, debilitating agony. Job’s 

body was covered with boils, yes, he knew what pain was. First He lost his flocks.  Then he lost his

 children and he lost his servants, But, do you want to know something? He never lost his faith. Close, but not quite.

Sometimes caregivers are tempted to call out as my friend did, and we call out to God with

 those same words from the heart, “O Holy God, when is enough enough!”


Dear Papa God, I can’t help but think of you as I consider the word “caregiver,” because You are the penultimate example of the title. 

Help me to give new meaning to the title “CAREGIVER” that has been forced upon me.  

As I contemplate the word “caregiver” I can’t help but think of the apostle Paul.  After his Damascus road experience he called out to you for deliverance and your answer was, “My grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in ‘your’ weakness.”  2ND. Corinthians 12: 9.

help me to

 always lean on you O God, so that I can be the epitome of love to this one, your child, that you have given to me.  Help me to never be typical, but to always be exceptional.

Help me so that when I am assaulted, or insulted, I do not retaliate, but that I always speak words of hope, truth

 and love.  Please help me O Merciful Father. Plant your Holy Spirit in my heart and nourish it 

with the water of your great, perfect and merciful love. 

Sometimes I am at my extremity as I 

am called upon to serve this, your beloved child, that you understand so well.  Thank you so 

very much Father, In Jesus’ most merciful and Holy name I ask it, Amen  

Editor’s Note:
Please watch for more articles taken from Charles Towne’s soon to be published book on caregiving, “WHO CARES?”  The book is based on his years of caring for “my darling, my Alzheimer’s afflicted wife Nancy.”

–Bless you and yours, Charles Towne

Charles Towne is first and foremost a Christian. An octogenarian, author, journalist, wildlife photographer, naturalist, caregiver, and survivor, his life has been and continues to be, a never-ending adventure filled with possibilities never imagined. He has adopted the philosophy that to Live fully, laugh uproariously, love passionately, and learn like there is no tomorrow, is a formula for a long and joy-filled life.


  1. Dear NH, Thanks so much for your understanding and compassion my dear friend. My greatest desire is to bless those of us that have moved into this realm of caregiving, so often with little or no preparation. My prayer is that Papa God will Bless you and always hold you close, Chaz

  2. An exceptional piece, thought provoking. I suspect that there are as many “typical” caregivers as there are typical people! I mean people are the labor pool caregivers are drawn from and that is at best, a gamble! As we have Christ in our lives, our thoughts, He also seems to creep into our actions and we seem to gain the ability to love our fellow man and try to act to his or her benefit! Caregiving takes an unimaginable toll on the provider, I saw what it did to my sister as she cares for our mom, and it would be totally unbearable without support. You friends can help but the true strength can only come from Papa God and our faith in him. The evil one will try his best to contravene but with our trust in God, we will always prevail!

  3. Oh Richard, what wisdom? Your thoughts touch to the very heart of the matter! AND WE WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL, not because of anything that we do, but what Papa God, in His mercy and love wills. Give us the mind and character of Jesus our friend and our Lord, Amen, Chaz

  4. What a great and timely article!
    I never in a million years ever thought I’d be in the position of caregiver, but I was…twice.
    As much as you love your family, it becomes exhausting and overwhelming. That is when I think people, who have no help, cry out “enough is enough.”
    I loved the part in your prayer…
    “help me not be typical, but exceptional.” AMEN!!
    Thanks Chuck…and God bless you richly!

  5. Dear CSG, but then there are those sad people that live in denial, and blame their seeming indifference on the one that needs them so very much. Nan’s son and his family have sadly taken that stance claiming that she was the one that abandoned them. They have never been able to accept the fact that she didn’t abandon them, she was sick and it was that sickness that drove her actions. Nancy has sadly been deprived of having a relationship with her grandchildren. She prays for her son and his family. In reality they are the ones that have been deprived of a relationship with a precious and dear soul that really does need them so very much. Thanks for the discerning comment, Chaz

  6. care giving is more rightly called self giving. in as much of what we think we need the one thing we cannot live without is the feeling of belonging. a third hand quote from a rather odd rocker reportedly said “you don’t die until your body wears out or no one wishes you well” in our enlightened age the sport of gossip and general dismissal of the humanity of our brothers and sisters is a crime against humanity . if we would be saved we best get on the stick and give what is of true value ourselves. some lad once sang you never give me your money you only give me your funny paper.

    • Some deep thoughts, there….I hope you know how much you belong to those of us that love you! You are one of a kind…but, so glad you are one of our own!!!

  7. Wow, wow, wow! Dear son of mine, some of the most brilliant observations I have ever read, and so true on all points. If we all were to give of ourselves what a difference we could make in this old world! Your observation about gossip is remarkably right on. God loves you pal, Thanks so much from my heart to yours, Your papa.

  8. sometimes it seems there are too many challenges…but, somehow, He gets us through. ALL of it. One day we will see things from the other side…As Corrie Ten Boom said, when we look at the tangled threads of our experience, it looks pretty worthless…but, when we realize that God is looking at the other side of the tapestry and working it all out for our good and the good of others. So, let’s keep doing our part…and trust Him to make all things beautiful in His time!

  9. Not yet having to fulfill the role of a caregiver I can only pray that God will grant me the wisdom, patience and faith in His graces to be half the caregiver that you are to Nancy. I was in Pennsylvania this past week to celebrate my mom’s 94th birthday. I thank God every day for my youngest sister who, while mom is still very independent, is always willing and able to help mom whenever the need arises just as she did for my dad prior to his passing. No professional caregiver could ever match my sister’s care driven by love.

    • Mike, the pure love a child has for his or her parents, and I am not speaking of lip service love, but genuine, sacrificial love, is what I see in you my friend. If your mama needed you for whatever reason, whatever purpose, for however long, you would be there. I know that much about you. She was and is and always will be the epitome of mother’s as a gracious God required. I am proud of you pal, and I now that Papa God is proud of you. Bless you pal, Chaz

  10. As you know I was a caregiver to my wife for 3 years with the last 8 months under home Hospice care. At first I said “Why Me”. Then with the help of G-D, I realized that he had given me a great calling. The care of another human being in their timer of need. The experience made me a better person. Can’y wait til next week.

    • Dear Herb, there are times as I examine my shortcoming as a caregiver and realize that only by the grace of God does this special little woman who is not only my great responsibility but also my joy, see me in the light of a special, even Holy love. Perhaps this is as close to the grace of God as we frail little humans can hope to to achieve perfection on this earth and hear His voice saying, “Well done my good and faithful friend, enter ye in to my grace.” Bless you, Chaz

  11. Dear Faith , He is our ever present help in time of trouble. Thank you my dear daughter. Thanks for your love and your prayers, Your daddy always

  12. Excellent article Charles that remind me the strength you have to be with your beautiful wife and give her the best medicine she deserve : your company. And also reminds me when I did care all my patients carefully, with tenderness and love.
    GOD is always Great !!!

  13. Leo, my friend, thanks so very much. I am greatly pleased that you appreciate my articles and that they strike a chord of truth and compassion with my readers. When we treat others with a sense of true love our actions resonate in heavenly places, and our own lives are made better as a result. Bless you and yours always, Chaz

  14. My wife hit a truck head-on and was given 3 days to live, by 4 different doctors. God had other plans! She survived for 50 additional years. I was her 24 hour a day caregiver for the last 23 years of her life. It took a lot of prayer along the way, but I loved my wife very much, and God gave me the ability to never give up! She was 3 days short of 91 years old when God called her home. I think it takes a lot of love and prayer to be a good care-giver. And, there are many rewards along the way.

  15. Yes Don, as we have said many times, GOD HAS A PLAN! We may not always understand what His plan is, just that we believe that He has a plan! I wonder, if He came to us one day and told us that He was going to build us a perfect house, would we ask to see the permits? Or would we complain that there weren’t enough bathrooms? I don’t think so, just that He was building us a house would be enough wouldn’t it/ aLWAYS REMEMBER, PAPA GOD HAS A PLAN AND IT IS A PERFECT PLAN, THAT IS ENOUGH! Chaz

  16. To #2 son, I must agree with you that most people need a sense of belonging and yet in todays world people generally seemed only concerned with themselves, most do not want to truly help their fellow man, only control them, never build ability to enrich, only provide materials to keep them dependent! The caregiver generally does not fit this mode because many are what they are and do what they do because they have a real love for their fellow man and wish him well. This attitude I find is not inherently a part of mans thoughts but seems only to come from a higher source! Therefore let us be kind and loving, let us share our brothers burdens, comfort his grief as we are able, and share all the laughter we can because as another old rocker, a member of the 27 club, said, ” no one here gets out alive”! So lets stand together while we are here!

  17. Dear Dimitri, it is men like you and #2 son that create hope for our old, worn out, narcissistic world where evil men, of no moral character can hold the people at ransom while murdering unborn babies by the tens of thousands, and thousands of thousands, not because it is right but because they can do it without fear of honest men rising up in protest against what they do. Shame on them, and shame on us, a friend


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