By Charles Towne
I love raisins, always have.
I can work up a serious drool just thinking about raisins, and nobody had to worry about me abusing drugs but they darned well better hide the raisins.
In that far off, mythical region called, “The brain” I have always believed that anything fit to eat must have raisins in it. Take oatmeal for instance, and bread pudding, cranberry sauce, and mincemeat pies, along with turkey dressing, and; Oh well you get the idea.
My older sister, the one I refer to as the snapping turtle, came to me one fine day with a big smile and offered me some raisins.
I should have known there was something wrong as soon as I saw that smile. And I had forgotten the only thing she had ever given me was the measles.
I’m sure you have heard the old saying, “Beware of sisters bearing gifts.” but, hey, I was after all dumber than a stump.
I sat there in a sense of raisin induced euphoria chewing the delicious fruit, and soon my wonderful sister returned and offered me the box.
My first thought was that she had miraculously been converted to ‘nice’ but I should have known better.
I was considering my good fortune as I grabbed a big handful of raisins and jammed them into my mouth and began chewing. Then I almost immediately stopped chewing. Something was terribly wrong. I had never tasted anything so vile.
Sis looked at me, still smiling but trying to look innocent as she asked, in the sweetest voice, “What’s wrong brother dearest?”
I was spitting and sputtering trying to rid my mouth of the abomination thrust upon, or I should say, ‘into’ it, when she volunteered, “Oh, you poor dear, you must have eaten some bad raisins!”
I had never heard of a bad raisin in my life until then.
She took the box and left to return a short time later to offer it to me again. Optimistically I again sampled the raisins. Delicious! The way raisins are supposed to taste.
She left, again with the raisin box in her possession, to return a short time later, to offer me the box with the words, “Here sweetie, you can have the rest, I’ve had enough.”
Wow, my dear, sweet, wonderful sister has been miraculously transformed overnight!
Raisin box in hand, I reached in and grabbed a big handful of raisins and, shoved them into my mouth and began chewing.
Oh, gag, choke, spit and sputter. I never tasted anything so nasty.
It was while I was choking that she inquired, “Do you know where raisins come from brother dearest?”
Still spitting, but somewhat curious I asked, “A raisin tree?”
To which she answered, “No you silly thing you, come with me and I’ll show you.”
I followed her out behind the barn to where the rabbit pens were and she reached down and picked up a perfect, raisin sized rabbit turd and held it out to me as she smilingly said, “See, raisin!”
Well, to make a long story short, we do learn. Sometimes the process is slow but, yes, we do learn. I still like raisins but, trust the snapping turtle? No way!
It seems that the politicians are trying to feed us a lot of stuff that they want us to believe is raisins but when you taste it you learn real quick that it never came from no raisin tree!
You have a nice day now you hear, and please, beware of sisters bearing gifts.
AN OUTDOORDOORSMAN’S PRAYER
Thank you, Lord God, for being! Thank you so very much for giving good gifts to your children. Thank you, Father, for revealing yourself to me as my forever friend; the one and only God in who I can place my trust completely and unequivocally, for I know that you never deceive, nor do you lie. Walk with me this day, protect me from all deception. In Jesus’ Holy name I ask it. Amen.
Charles Towne is first and foremost a Christian. An octogenarian, author, journalist, wildlife photographer, naturalist, caregiver, and survivor, his life has been and continues to be, a never-ending adventure filled with possibilities never imagined. He has adopted the philosophy that to Live fully, laugh uproariously, love passionately, and learn like there is no tomorrow, is a formula for a long and joy-filled life.