Inspiration

By Charles Towne

Are you and I doomed? Are we destined to continue in self-defeating behavior, and thoughts of unworthiness? Is there no hope?

My father and I were never very close. He always left me with the feeling that no matter what I did with my life I could never live up to his expectations.

I would never be good enough, smart enough, strong enough, for him to say, “That’s good son, I am proud of you!”

What I have discovered is a feeling of inferiority is an ugly lie, a piece of dark art promulgated upon the innocent almost at birth. Daddy has been dead now for several years and in the passing of time, I have concluded that he wasn’t so disappointed with me as he was with himself.   I will never forget the moment when I was finally able to forgive him and at the same time able to realize that I was worth something besides his curses and anger.

You will likely imagine me a tad strange when I tell you that my life began to change the night that God spoke to me.   Yeah, he really spoke to me.

Dad was visiting with me here in Florida and one evening he became angry.   I don’t remember what it was that set him off but after cursing at me, Furious, his face dark with rage, he disowned me, packed his belongings, stalked out, and drove away.   Several years passed, he died.   Oh yeah, God spoke to me on that miserable night of anger and fury. I went to bed after my father left and laid there in the darkness feeling so wretched, so miserable, and I called out to God, and I said, “God, am I destined to live this life repeating my father’s mistakes?”

Praise Him, He heard me.

I fell asleep, and as I slept He spoke to me. His words are etched upon my brain, my D.N.A., my very soul. “Son, you do not inherit the weaknesses of your earthly parents but the potential of your heavenly father.”

The Jews, His chosen, called Him Abba, a term of endearment, and ever since that night I call Him Papa. I have arrived at the point in my life when I believe that it is not destiny, fate or luck, it is a decision, a conscious choice that determines who we are. No, it doesn’t happen all at once but praise God, I am a different man today because of my focus because I yearn for the character of Jesus to be pronounced in me.

Oh, and by the way, I believe that before papa died mama led him to Jesus. What a merciful God we serve.

Live wholly,
Love fully,
Love God, and make a difference, today

 

Charles Towne is first and foremost a Christian. An octogenarian, author, journalist, wildlife photographer, naturalist, caregiver, and survivor, his life has been and continues to be, a never-ending adventure filled with possibilities never imagined. He has adapted the philosophy that to Live fully, laugh uproariously, love passionately, and learn like there is no tomorrow, is a formula for a long and joy filled life.

7 COMMENTS

  1. That is sad, Mr. Towne, that your father never could praise you, really sad. I am so sorry. I have heard Howard Stern, the shock jock, say the same thing about how his father was toward him, and how he always called him an idiot, and put him down. I am glad you were able to move on, and get beyond that, with God’s help. It was your father’s character flaw, after all, not yours. I wish you a Happy Father’s Day, today…… Do you have children?

  2. Thank you EJ. I am sorry for writing a depressing note. T important thing is that our Papa God love us so much and rescues us out of our despair. Oh what a wonder that He can rescue us, and transform us no matter how wretched we are. Blessings to you and yours. Chaz

  3. Yes, praise God I have four wonderful children that love me very much. We all have character flaws, warts if you will, that God covers with His love. It is a miracle that our heavenly Father can transform us at any point in our lives and give us peace. Thanks for your kind words. Charles

  4. Again, I apologize for offending anyone but I am at peace when I realizE that God takes us where hE FINDS US AND EMBRACES US, HUGS US AND HEALS US of our hurts as only He can, I know there are some that read this that can relate, and I know there are some that had good daddies. It is never too late, it is never too late. Papa God please help each of us to love as yo love! iSN’T HE WONDERFUL? Chaz

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