The Best Things to Say (and Not to Say) to a Grieving Person

Thoughts to consider during a difficult conversation

From Florida Hospital - Apopka

It can be difficult to know exactly what to say to someone who is grieving the death of a loved one. Regina Nimmo, Children’s Grief Educator at Hospice of the Comforter, offers these examples of the best and worst things to say to someone dealing with grief.

“Most people have good intentions when they offer try to offer support to someone who is grieving. Unfortunately, many people say things that are not comforting and can actually be hurtful,” Nimmo says.

10 BEST Things to Say (or Do)

I am so sorry for your loss. How are you feeling?

I wish I had the right words, just know I care and I’m here for you.

I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling, but I am here to help in any way I can.

You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.

My favorite memory of your loved one is…

It must be so hard to keep going when you’re hurting so much.

Give a hug instead of saying something

What would be helpful for you right now?

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.

Say nothing, just be with the person.

“What’s wonderful about these ‘best things to say’ is that they are simple, from the heart, and they validate the grieving person’s feelings without any implied judgement,” Nimmo says.

WORST Things to Say

At least she lived a long life.

He is in a better place.

She brought this on herself.

There is a reason for everything.

It’s time to put this behind you.

You can always have another child.

She was such a good person that God wanted her to be with him.

I know how you feel.

She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go.

Be strong.

“The common thread among these ‘worst things to say’ is that they minimize a person’s grief. Most of them imply that the grieving person should not be sad, and that is not loving or constructive,” Nimmo explains. “People who are grieving the loss of a loved one need to feel that their grief is validated and they are supported by their friends and family. Grieving is what we do individually. Mourning is when we grieve (share tears, sadness and memories) with others. A wonderful way to support someone who is grieving is to mourn the loss of their loved one with them.”

Click here to download more tips on what to say to a grieving person.